he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
