Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
