I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
even my farts smell like vagina
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
