Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
