He is an equal opportunity slut.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just blew my weed a kiss
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
