I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
