im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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