Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
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