i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
