Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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