i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
