it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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