I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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