this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize