I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
