if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
