I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
