I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
