how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
