just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Randomize
