Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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