can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
