very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
