we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
