I didn't shave. On purpose
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
