i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
