He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
