i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize