I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Randomize
