I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
