sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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