At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
