Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
