The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
