I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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