I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
