eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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