oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
