Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize