my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
