I'm really into asian looking animals
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
