I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
