I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
