btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
