My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
