Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
