i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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