i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
