Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
