The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
