my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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