at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
