it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just tell him i said nine months
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
