So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
