He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
