it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
