I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
