allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
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No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
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Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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