Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize