pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
