i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
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This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
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He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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