Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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