I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
