No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
