i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
