I hate your face
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
