Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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