My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
