So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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