my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
