sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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