All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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