my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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