if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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