I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
