I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize