i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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