you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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