the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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